“One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
Here I am, a snowy day in January, shortly after Ellie’s third birthday. My car died this morning; luckily Klayton was home and helped me jump-start it. My drive in to work was long…since snow plows apparently cut all speed limits at least in half: when there is an inch of snow on the road EXTREME CAUTION must be used. Halved speed limits mean doubled commute times; yay. And then I pull in to the empty parking lot at work…empty? Oh. My. Word. They called a snow day and I didn’t even know about it?!?!?! I left my babies sleeping in bed and came to work and it’s a SNOW DAY?!?!?!?!
Freak out for a moment.
It seems to me that there are so many things that happen that we believe shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have driven to work this morning; but I did. I should’ve made more food for Ellie’s birthday party; but I didn’t. I shouldn’t have taken a year off between my associate’s and bachelor’s degrees; but I didn’t. We should’ve sold my car before we racked up 160,000 miles on it, but we didn’t. Instead of trying to sell the house, we should’ve just refinanced; but we didn’t. I should;ve painted the downstairs bathroom and laundry room neutral like the rest of the first floor; but I didn’t.
Retrospect always allows much clearer, stronger decision making. It is so much easier to look at the past and find all the mistakes than to look at the future and know with certainty what needs to be done.
But we don’t need to know. And we don’t need to beat ourselves up inside for all of the things that we “should’ve done”.
I’ve been trying this thing were I just stop freaking out about everything. I’m really the type of person that freaks out about everything. I like to control my environment. I like things to be perfect. I hate making mistakes. I REALLY HATE making mistakes. Like driving in to work on a freaking snow day. But truly, I have been trying to just relax…to relax and trust.
When I called Klayton to let him know of my adventure this morning, I told him (which was really a way to remind myself) “oh well, I guess there is a reason that I drove all the way here.”
And it really is as simple as that.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Maybe I will never know the reason I drove all the way to work. Maybe it is nothing more than the fact that it was within God’s will that I had a quiet day to get a lot of work done. The reason doesn’t have to be big; and it’s more than likely to be small. Probably the reason will never be understood or known; but it still exists.
Because our life is too precious to live without a reason. And our time is too full of worth to be spent for no reason.
Just relax and trust. So that when things happen that “shouldn’t” you never fail to bear fruit.
Remind your heart to relax and trust, or soon your head will be speaking negativity and criticism; and no one wants to be criticized by their own head. Remind your heart to trust in Him, and you will be confident that things are happening for a reason. That in it all, the big and small, the decision you think you shouldn’t have made, the mistake you think you made, God’s will is going to be done.
So even though I drove to work on a snow day, I will not allow my heart to lose sight of trust. Even in the small things, in the simple “mistakes” in life God has a plan for us. Thought we do not know his reason, the reason exists nonetheless. So I will be enjoy my snowy, quiet day at work.
And please always remember, Ellie and Kreade, to hold on to your heart.
Hold on to your heart, for your heart controls your head. And your head has the ability to speak either encouragement or negativity. Remind your heart to trust and relax, and remember that in everything God has a reason. And He holds your heart in His hand.