Perfection & Professional Burnout

“Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made.”
― Immanuel Kant

“The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what man is.”
― Oscar Wilde

I had a very successful day at work on Monday. After two years of partnering with the family of one of my students, we finally got him to receive the services that he needs. Speech, integrated pre-k placement, the whole nine-yards. I was so happy. So relieved. And so excited that this little boy who, crazy as he is I totally love, will finally be given the chance that he needs to be successful in life. It was definitely a professional high. We fought long and hard for this to happen.

And then today rolls around. Even though the sun was shining as I drove in to work…I felt so burdened. This has been a really rough year. We had a training last week on Secondary Trauma. That pretty much sums up my school-year. So exhausted by the problems of everyone else, and so frustrated that there is only so much that I can do to help.

No matter how hard I try…it’s never enough.

And what about all those people out there? The ones who have suffered domestic violence. The children who are challenged by developmental delays and parents who possess limited skills and knowledge too.

We had a parent express her desire to become a lobotomist. From the bottom of her sweet, sincere heart she meant phlebotomist.

And I just feel so heartbroken for her. She has just beautiful dreams, but only time will tell if she possesses the ability to actually see them fulfilled. Though I doubt that they ever will. I guess we can’t all be rocket-scientists. And some of us can’t all be phlembotomists either. To each his own. And we all possess varying degrees of skills and abilities.

As I drove to work, I found myself wondering about the brokenness and lack of perfection in this world. It really is just not fair when you think about it. My heart started spontaneously communicating with The God Who Sees Me…me as I’m driving to work, surrounded by my own problems and worries. And I started asking why some have nothing and others have everything. Why I have hope while others have none. Why my dreams might come true, but theirs will not. Why God? Why can’t You just perfect the life of everyone around me?

And the truth always has a way of just staring you right in your face.

I already have.

I have already made a way. I am already making a place. And sometime soon, I will come and perfection will be once more.

Those truths that you have heard over and over again suddenly come flooding back to you. And it all starts to make sense. There will come a day. 

Maybe it’s not so much about attaining perfection here in this world. And maybe it is more about preparing to live in perfection in the world to come.

Maybe it’s not about helping others achieve a sense of perfection here and now, as it is about showing them the way to perfection that will last forever.

Still, there is only so much that I can do. I can’t force people to believe. But I certainly will alter the way that I pray.

Instead of praying that they will succeed in this world, I will also pray that their hearts will be willing to believe and that they will know the eternal perfection that only He can provide.

And I really hope to see the faces of these sweet people and their children that I work for alongside me in heaven someday soon.

For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. Hebrews 10:14

Ellie and Kreade, I want you always to remember that you can only do so much on this earth. Your heart has to do the rest. I pray that your hearts too will grow in faith so that you also will be perfected through His love. And as you learn to understand this, know too that you can only do so much for those around you. Their hearts have to do the rest also. So pray. Pray that they will know Him. So that one day we will be surrounded by the lives that we have touched during our imperfect life here on earth as we stand in awe of the One who has perfected eternity for us.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

Adventure All The Way

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I think anything is possible if you have the mindset and the will and desire to do it and put the time in. -Roger Clemens

With self-discipline most anything is possible. -Theodore Roosevelt

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Oh my dear little Ellie girl. Only you are not so little anymore. Four years old now, and getting bigger and smarter every day!

In January we celebrated your Four-Years-Of-Amazing-Life on this earth.

In true Ellie fashion you planned an amazing birthday party that was anything but that which a stereotypical girl would want – Miles From Tomorrowland, space theme. We had planets and stars on the table. Planets and space-age shapes hanging from the ceiling. A rocket ship, pin the feathers on Merc, and Cosmic Cocoa. We had outerspace treats – Laserangs, Saturn’s Rings, Rocket Fuel…you get the picture.

And you were so happy. So very happy in your black leggings, bright orange Converse, and little boys size 5 Miles From Tomorrowland t-shirt.With braided pig-tails of course. And all your little friends running around with you.

I love how much you love space. Maybe you have the mind of a dreamer, just like your mama. You see the potential in people and things, and dream of all that can be. Adventure and excitement call your name.

As the song goes…Never could I go too far
Never could I fly too high
It’s all inside of me
Living out the dream
With my family

Adventure all the way
New places every day
Oh yeah, we’re going to zip
Gonna take a trip
In a rocket ship

We’re counting down
The engines on
The time is now to rocket!
Rocket!
Rocket!
Rocket!

Woa oh, I’m a hero to the core
And I’m going to explore
Way out!
Woa oh, No where ever is too far
I’m shooting through the stars
Way out!

Yes. Maybe you will be a dreamer too. Maybe your heart will long for adventure and excitement, for challenges and the sheer joy that follows with success. I see your beautiful little mind working even now, trying to figure out what life is, what your purpose in life is, and what to expect from life, what you can do in life.

“Why do you go to work, mommy?” Because that is what God has called me to do.

“Why does daddy go to work?” Because that is what God has called him to do.

“What is my job then?” Your job is to play and have fun. And to go to school and be kind and show God’s love to the kids there.

Your little wheels are turning, and even so young I see you yearning to know why. What? What am I here for? What do I do? What do I expect? 

But that’s the adventure my dear. You never know what to expect.

Life is the greatest adventure of them all.

And even I don’t know what life holds for you.

But never doubt, dearest, that you can go on that adventure. It is truly all inside of you – and you never can fly too high. You are a hero to the core – and you’re shooting to the stars.

So go explore. Go on some blastastic adventures. Live, and love, and fly, and dream. Because dreamers see where they want to go in life, and do everything they can to get there.

Always hold on to your dreams.

And no matter where your adventures take you, always know that you are never alone. For the One who has placed those dreams in your heart, and designed those adventures for you to experience, who sees you and loves you and knows you…will be there with you through it all.

You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalm 16:11