The Road Which Is Life: In Which I Consider’ Consistency’

“Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are the dead.”
-Aldous Huxley

Consistent: constantly adhering to the same course. And I’m beginning to wonder whether true consistency truly exists. It seems that people spend so much time and energy working toward consistency, toward a place where life finally remains the same. Things are going well, you’re on the right track. And then suddenly your hard achieved road that has been smooth and consistent suddenly becomes full of bumps and turns. 

Consistency. Is it out there?

If I look back on my life I honestly would have to say that there is no such thing as real, true, lasting consistency. Just when I get to a place where I start to feel comfortable, where I start to relax…it never lasts. I finish my A.S. degree. Start to adjust to not being in school. Then life takes a turn and I’m back in school again. Klayton has a job, it lasts for a few months. Now he has another one, another employer, another schedule. And while I’m thankful that he has work, some consistency to it would be nice. Ah! There is that word again. Ok, so it’s gotta get better right? But just when we seem to settle is just when things begin to change. Our consistency always seems to be contingent on work and school. You step out in faith and try something new, and it’s not the right leap, or it is but it was only meant to be temporary (if only I had known)…Like a stepping stone from one thing to another. So I plan on starting grad school, but all of those plans fall by the way. If only I could consistently stay in school. And just when you adjust to having one kid…along comes another. You go from one employer to another, and another, and another, and another… 

Consistency? Are you out there? 

Looking back I begin to wonder, was life ever meant to be consistent? My head answers yes in a second’s time. But my heart whispers a different answer. And I don’t mean to complain about my life. But I do wonder, it consistency too much to ask for? 

It’s hard to travel on a road that’s ever-changing. You feel like you’ve just started to catch your breath, and suddenly it’s all uphill again. It’s hard to see the thing you crave the most falling by the way. And you’re forced to continue on, not knowing what’s ahead, not knowing what you should do, wishing for what’s behind.

But you can’t stand still on the road which is life.

 And so the part of the road that’s straight and smooth and consistent only lasts for a while. Because the good, consistent things aren’t meant to remain forever. 

The consistency always seems to leave at the most inopportune time. Last time Klayton had a major job change I was eight months pregnant with Ellie. He had a few, ok, maybe more than a few more job changes at other stressful time: like when Ellie was teething, or I went back to work, or I started another class. Now another change seems inevitable and again, I am eight months pregnant. 

It’s hard not to become frustrated and depressed with the circumstances that surround. It seems like you can never get ahead. Never find a way to be perfectly comfortable. I’ve had my little pitty party and my moments of anger and bewilderment.

The consistency just isn’t there. 

And I want it to be.

But it’s in those moments of frustration that the Quiet Voice begins to whisper. And suddenly you remember that true consistency does exist. Not in life. No. I believe that life was never mean to be consistent. And it never will be. But there is consistency in my life. 

“And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.” Colossians 1:17

Perhaps life was never meant to be consistent in order for us to seek out the One who is consistency Himself. 

So I can rest quiet in the peace of this truth. Knowing that no matter how bumpy, windy, uphill, and changing the road ahead is, He who is Consistency is leading me on. And the consistency that He provides will be enough. It always has been, and always will be. Even if I haven’t liked all of the details of the road called life, He has consistently provided, consistently given peace, consistently turned bad into good, consistently cared. 

Ellie, I pray that some day you realize that life is not meant to be consistent. Don’t waste your time seeking consistency on your own. You will never find it. Only God is true consistency. Trust in Him. Trust Him to be your consistency, and to guide you and be your consistency on the road called life.

Trials will come and trials will go. Times of rest will fade away. People will enter this world and leave it. Good times exist, but not forever. This is the reality of life. People were not meant to be consistent. Life was not mean to be consistent. So look to Him who is Consistency himself. And when when it seems as if all hope for a consistent life has gone away, remember, He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 

 

 

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All In A Week’s Time

“Time is a game played beautifully by children.” ― HeraclitusFragments

It is amazing just how much a little girl can develop and learn all in a week’s time! And I never ceased to be amazed by all of the little things I see unfolding before my eyes. I have said it before, and likely will say it again: you can read all about children’s development in a textbook, but it’s nothing compared to watching it happen with your own eyes. Now I know why Piaget used his own children as the inspiration for his theory of development. In my opinion, he got it right. No wonder either, when you are simply putting words to what children do, it’s kind of hard to go wrong.

If I had to put words to what Azrielle has been doing this week it would have to be “talking”. I think that she is a little ahead of the game when it comes to this portion of development. Last week she began using at least one new word each day. At first, I didn’t even realize what was happening. But when she woke up one morning, sat up in her crib, signed ‘eat’ with her hands and then proceeded to very clearly say “eat” it kinda hit me right between the eyes and it dawned on me…oh my word! She said like two or three new words the last couple of days too! So then I started keeping track. And sure enough, every day out of her mouth would come a new word. Amazing. So amazing. Especially since smart people with big college degrees still don’t know exactly how language is acquired. I mean, there are lots of theories and guesses, but no “for sure” answers.

All I know is that it is amazing just how many words and word associations a 14 month old can make. After “eat” it was “shoes”, which she says more like “dooes”. I think the whole shoe thing is fitting; Klayton says she has way too many shoes for being such a little girl. Then came “eeyesss”, “noosse”, “earss”, “teethh”, all while pointing to each corresponding body part, and “ouch”! She likes to scream “Ouch” at me as a change her diaper…I mean really? All this in addition to her constant questioning “what’sss thisss?” “What isss it?”, and her never-ending talking on the phone “ahhhh yeah?! ahhhhh yeah?!” followed by a stream of gibberish.

Not only is she saying so many new words and labeling body parts in just seven days, but she is ever so interested in animals. “Hot” was her first word, which was partly due to the exposure of my friend the coffee mug every morning on my way out the door to work, and also because of her fascination with the oven. Her second word was “kitty, woof.” We have been working on this whole association. And she is finally getting it, Kitty’s say “mmmmmmm” and doggy’s say “woof! woof!”. Now whenever she hears a bird, or wants to look out the window at her bird feeder it’s “teet, teet, teeeet”. She points to the cow in Goodnight Moon and says, in a low voice mind you, “Mooooooh”. She point to the fire in the same book and proudly proclaims “hot”! And searches for that teeny tiny mouse and in a high squeaky voice says “keek, keek, keek” which is her current pronounciation for “squeak”.

Yesterday she began saying “no”, in the cutest little high pitched voice that it almost makes this wicked annoying word not so wicked annoying; almost, but not quite. Today she pointed to the stars in Goodnight Moon and some glow in the dark ones on her Auntie’s ceiling and said “tarssss”. Her Auntie’s then proceeded to drill “moon” into her. I guess we will be going star gazing soon.

On top of all of the words that are popping out of her mouth, her little imagination is beginning to emerge. She loves blanket forts and underneath the lowest shelf in my pantry as of this week. She will crawl into the fort and sit there banging on the wall and gibber jabbing to herself for a half hour. In the pantry hideout she gets her blanket and her baby and crawls in towing both things behind her. Then she sits there arranging her blanket and baby and talking to herself. She found a stray chocolate chip on the floor while I was making cookies, ate some of it, and then noticed one had melted on the floor in her hideout. So, she moved her baby aside, crawled over to the towel drawer, took one out, climbed back to her hideout and proceeded to wipe the melted chocolate off of the floor. Ok, so maybe it’s not so much imagination as it is imitating. But still, it’s adorable to watch, and amazing that it seems to happen over night. I so just love watching her development unfold  before my eyes. I think that Heraclitus was correct: time is a game that is played by children, and it is beautiful to watch.