In Which I Compare My Life to ‘The Mindy Project’ And Realize Just How Awesome My Husband Really Is

“It makes me cry because it means that fewer and fewer people are believing it’s cool to want what I want, which is to be married and have kids and love each other in a monogamous, long-lasting relationship.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth. I hold myself supremely blest — blest beyond what language can express; because I am my husband’s life as fully as he is mine.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Danny: The thing that’s most beautiful about you is your confidence.
Mindy: Really? Because people say that is the most annoying part about me.-The Mindy Project, Season 4

The Mindy Project. It’s all I ever want to watch at the end of a long hard day of work, school, kids & life in general…cuz I know it will make me laugh – probably harder than I should – and take the edge off of, well, off of life.

But lately, the show has been tackling an issue that is really quite close to my heart. You know the topic – that one that everyone wants to avoid and no one wants to address but that really should be talked about more.

Working moms.

Yep. Leave it to Mindy Kaling to take this less-than-popular topic head on in her Hulu Original Series. And as hard as it is to watch, as much as I just want to yell at Danny every time he says something so heartless…I am interested to see just where she goes with it all. And I really can’t wait – because my life is like a mini version of this season’s plot.

I’m that woman. Just like Mindy Lahiri. The one who starts her career…cuz, you know, starting a career is just so awful and heinous when you’re a women. Then there I go…I get pregnant and horror of all horrors: I don’t quit my job. Cuz where I’m from, women kind of just are expected to be moms. And nothing else. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way diminishing motherhood and the calling that it is. But if you can have it your way, why can’t I have it mine?

And then baby number two. So of course, you’re quitting your job now, right? How can you work and have two kids?

How can I not?

Some days, I wish that I could be nothing more than a stay at home mom. But God has created two types of women to ride the tides of Western Society; and I fall into the non-traditional category.

I used to be self-conscious about the fact that I am a working mom (try to explain to people that I also am a Grad-student and just imagine the looks on their faces). When we first got married, I thought that this was how my life would be. Eh, might as well work for a bit and then when we decide to have a baby -poof – God will make sure I can stay at home.

It’s amazing how God works.

I never would have imagined being anything but at stay at home mom at one point in my life. Looking back, I lacked so much self-confidence, and that “dream” of being a stay at home mom was born out of insecurity and self-doubt, lack of worth and lack of allowing God to use me as He would.

Financially, I have to work.

Mentally, I have to work too.

Spiritually, I need to work.

Because now I know that this is what God has called me to do. Now I am full of confidence – not my own, but the confidence that only God could have filled me with. I have self-worth, because in the depths of my heart, I know I am fulfilling my purpose here on this earth. And now I am totally secure in the knowledge that even though this full time job-grad student-mommy-wife thing is exhausting, it’s what I was born to do.

And I just feel so bad for Mindy Lahiri.

I get how she’s feeling. You love your babies. You love them so much. You love them so much that you know you will go completely insane if you are home all the time, so instead you hire someone who doesn’t go insane and go to work for some of the day.

You love your babies. But you love your job too. You love the platform that your job is – how it allows you to make a difference in other people’s lives. How you can experience the joy of bringing a smile to a child’s face, helping them learn and grow, and supporting their family through so many things. How your job makes you feel so fulfilled, and you know that for some of the day, this is just what you are meant to do with  your life.

Because some of us have bigger hearts – hearts that can hold both love for our children and husbands and love for our careers.

And we are enough.

But where I’m at in this series,  it’s not enough for Danny. And my heart breaks a little, I kind of don’t want to watch the show.

Because I can’t imagine if my Babe told me that I wasn’t a good mother to our children unless I stayed at home.

And I realize just how awesome my husband is.

There should probably be more Christian guys like him out there.

Truth is, if he said I should stay home, I would. It would break my heart (and I’d probably literally go crazy), but I would do it. I know that God asks that wives follow their husbands lead.

But marriage is a beautiful thing.

And when you love someone, and allow God to fill you up, it’s amazing how dreams align.

And I’m just so thankful for all that my husband is for me. Because I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it without him. And on my hardest days, when I’m totally stressing out about all I need to do at work, or the assignment I think might be a ‘B’, there he is…supporting me.

Cleaning up after dinner, playing with the kids while I finish writing my paper, making dinner, going in late so I can go in early and catch up on PTC’s, sitting next to me watching hockey while I’m frantically answering discussion board posts…quietly supporting. Cheering me on.

And I just know that he is my biggest fan.

And every woman who has a heart for family and work deserves someone who will cheer them on.

Because for some of us, God is calling us to both home and workplace. And it’s hard enough to follow this non-traditional path without the support of the one we love most.

So thank you Babe.

Thank you for how awesome you are. Thank you for supporting me, building up my confidence, encouraging my dreams, and letting me fly. I couldn’t do it without you.

So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:28

The Road Which Is Life: In Which I Consider’ Consistency’

“Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are the dead.”
-Aldous Huxley

Consistent: constantly adhering to the same course. And I’m beginning to wonder whether true consistency truly exists. It seems that people spend so much time and energy working toward consistency, toward a place where life finally remains the same. Things are going well, you’re on the right track. And then suddenly your hard achieved road that has been smooth and consistent suddenly becomes full of bumps and turns. 

Consistency. Is it out there?

If I look back on my life I honestly would have to say that there is no such thing as real, true, lasting consistency. Just when I get to a place where I start to feel comfortable, where I start to relax…it never lasts. I finish my A.S. degree. Start to adjust to not being in school. Then life takes a turn and I’m back in school again. Klayton has a job, it lasts for a few months. Now he has another one, another employer, another schedule. And while I’m thankful that he has work, some consistency to it would be nice. Ah! There is that word again. Ok, so it’s gotta get better right? But just when we seem to settle is just when things begin to change. Our consistency always seems to be contingent on work and school. You step out in faith and try something new, and it’s not the right leap, or it is but it was only meant to be temporary (if only I had known)…Like a stepping stone from one thing to another. So I plan on starting grad school, but all of those plans fall by the way. If only I could consistently stay in school. And just when you adjust to having one kid…along comes another. You go from one employer to another, and another, and another, and another… 

Consistency? Are you out there? 

Looking back I begin to wonder, was life ever meant to be consistent? My head answers yes in a second’s time. But my heart whispers a different answer. And I don’t mean to complain about my life. But I do wonder, it consistency too much to ask for? 

It’s hard to travel on a road that’s ever-changing. You feel like you’ve just started to catch your breath, and suddenly it’s all uphill again. It’s hard to see the thing you crave the most falling by the way. And you’re forced to continue on, not knowing what’s ahead, not knowing what you should do, wishing for what’s behind.

But you can’t stand still on the road which is life.

 And so the part of the road that’s straight and smooth and consistent only lasts for a while. Because the good, consistent things aren’t meant to remain forever. 

The consistency always seems to leave at the most inopportune time. Last time Klayton had a major job change I was eight months pregnant with Ellie. He had a few, ok, maybe more than a few more job changes at other stressful time: like when Ellie was teething, or I went back to work, or I started another class. Now another change seems inevitable and again, I am eight months pregnant. 

It’s hard not to become frustrated and depressed with the circumstances that surround. It seems like you can never get ahead. Never find a way to be perfectly comfortable. I’ve had my little pitty party and my moments of anger and bewilderment.

The consistency just isn’t there. 

And I want it to be.

But it’s in those moments of frustration that the Quiet Voice begins to whisper. And suddenly you remember that true consistency does exist. Not in life. No. I believe that life was never mean to be consistent. And it never will be. But there is consistency in my life. 

“And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.” Colossians 1:17

Perhaps life was never meant to be consistent in order for us to seek out the One who is consistency Himself. 

So I can rest quiet in the peace of this truth. Knowing that no matter how bumpy, windy, uphill, and changing the road ahead is, He who is Consistency is leading me on. And the consistency that He provides will be enough. It always has been, and always will be. Even if I haven’t liked all of the details of the road called life, He has consistently provided, consistently given peace, consistently turned bad into good, consistently cared. 

Ellie, I pray that some day you realize that life is not meant to be consistent. Don’t waste your time seeking consistency on your own. You will never find it. Only God is true consistency. Trust in Him. Trust Him to be your consistency, and to guide you and be your consistency on the road called life.

Trials will come and trials will go. Times of rest will fade away. People will enter this world and leave it. Good times exist, but not forever. This is the reality of life. People were not meant to be consistent. Life was not mean to be consistent. So look to Him who is Consistency himself. And when when it seems as if all hope for a consistent life has gone away, remember, He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.